Allergic to Intelligence is more like it…

≡ Category: brain dump, commentary, ideas, morons, politically incorrect |Comments Off on Allergic to Intelligence is more like it…

Just when you think you’ve seen the most bat-shit, unbelievably crazy motherfuckers on the damn planet, someone pops up to prove that the ones you’ve seen so far aren’t even on the same scale. No, I’m not talking about Killary Clinton or Barry Sotero. The people I’m going to be be talking about today make them look positively, absolutely warm and huggable by comparison. The people today are, without a doubt, the most truly insane people I’ve ever even read about. And I once spent a month obsessing over Charlie “Helter Skelter, baby!” Manson. Or maybe it was Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Monroe? Hell, I’m not even sure anymore. Anyway, if I’ve piqued your curiosity, click on through and read my thoughts on…. The People Allergic To Life!

I know. It sounds like the title of a shitty 60’s sci-fi movie. That’s kind of what got me to read the article in the first place. But no…. it isn’t the story of a town of zombies just trying to make their way in the world. It’s a bunch of morons who think they are allergic to… well… everything. EVERYTHING! Seriously. If you read the article (not that I would recommend it), you see that the citizens of Snowflake, Az (A more appropriate name has never been given. It’s truly a bunch of poor, wounded snowflakes) claim they’re allergic to everything from soap to wifi to car exhaust. They call it “Environmental illness.” I call it a big, steaming pile of bullshit. They are clearly fucking insane, not to mention stinking. Wear some deodorant, you nasty, hippy motherfuckers! I’d say the first sign of their fucking insanity (other than, you know, that they think everything makes them ill) was that they refused to even do the interview if the writer spoke to psychiatrists about it. That’s pretty much a big, red flag yelling “We know we’re nuts! No need to verify it!”

They’re basing the whole thing on papers written in 1869, by a Dr. George Beard. Of course, when Beard wrote about modern conveniences causing illness, he was talking about things like typewriters and linoleum. Not exactly an up-to-date diagnosis. Especially since it’s all self-diagnosed. I did notice in the article that they have things like telephones (speaker-phone only! Holding it up to their head causes neurological problems, donchaknow?) and internet access. I suspect it’s much like a woman I knew who diagnosed herself with diabetes… unless they brought treats in at break-time, in which case, she was feeling much less diabetic that day.

The nutcase that is the focus of the article (who isn’t even the worst, apparently) really needs mental help. They make people shower the instant they arrive, and can’t even enter the house unless they’re naked and will go straight to the shower. Then you get massive rub-downs of hydrogen peroxide. Oh, and they cover all the walls with aluminum foil. You know, to prevent the wifi that isn’t there from penetrating the walls. Idiots.

One of the widgets claims to be so allergic to normal foods that they have cabbage soup for dinner. Let that sink in. Cabbage. Soup. have you ever eaten cabbage, much less cabbage soup? I have. Let me share a little hint with you. Flavor is not an issue, since there is none, and you can pretty much guarantee there won’t be a gas shortage afterwards. And when it was time for sleep, they stuck the reporters on metal cots with no mattress and no blankets. Because the blankets would absorb the fumes that the morons claimed were “out-gassing” from the reporters’ bodies. Number one, the only out-gassing was due to that fucking cabbage soup, and number two…. fuck no! I would sooner tell them fine, leave, and write up an article on how goddamn crazy they are than sleep on a bare metal cot. Oh, to be fair, they were finally given dirty door mats to put between them and the springs. Which would still not be enough to keep me from trumpeting to the heavens how insane the bitches are.

We then get to read all about the poor dears horrible lives, earning Master’s degrees and such horrors as having a job while pregnant. Yeah, generally, they just show what dipshits they are, But then we find out that they actually got mad at the reporters (despite all the bullshit they put them through) and claimed that the photographer charging her battery kept one up all night. I was quite amused to see the reporter say “But we heard her snoring.” Yeah! Call these bitches out! Then punch ’em in the face!

Oh. No face-punching. Dammit. 🙁 The Slowflakes actually had the balls to as much as threaten the reporters if they didn’t do a totally positive write-up, claiming clinical validity of their ridiculous “disease.” Happily, the reporter didn’t give in and say they would do that. In fact, she talked about her own experiences and used evil, hurtful words like placebo and psychosomatic. You know, sciencey words. Words that describe the Snowflakes’ problems almost perfectly!

And then, after more going on and on about how terrible the real world is, we hit what I consider the heart of the matter.

Disability.

Yup, these twat-monkeys in Snowflake, Az are almost all on full disability. They managed to find a doctor that would claim it was real and then have been soaking the government (and, thus, us… the taxpayers) for money. And I’m sure if they could get a friendly reporter to legitimize their bullshit, they could probably find ways to convince the government to give them more money.

I think that we should all make trips to visit them. Trips with lots of cleaners, cellphones, perfumes, and everything else we can find that might by annoying to them. Milk trucks full of pesticides, spraying wildly as they drive through town! Portable generators with high-power radio sets attached! It can be a parade! A parade of progress and “Get Up Off Your Asses”!

And absolutely no cabbage soup.






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