Pants up! You can’t breathe!

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Yes, I twisted both of the slogans the current protests are using into one fun, new phrase, but it’s totally fitting, since most of the dipshits have their heads so far up their asses if they pulled their pants up, they’d smother themselves.

Can you tell which side of the debate I’m on? For more fun-filled rantation, click on through. (It’s also an intelligence test. I doubt most of the protesters could figure out how to do it.)

So, yes, I’m totally on the side of the law here. Which, for once, puts me firmly on the side of the good and righteous. And frankly, it’s making my skin itch.

You see, there is one major thing almost every single protester is overlooking. One thing links Michael Brown and Eric Garner inexorably together, and it isn’t their skin color. They. Were. Both. Criminals. Not little jay-walking and loitering criminals. Real, honest-to-dog, dyed-in-the-wool criminals. And, like most real criminals, when faced with a law enforcement officer, they resisted. In one case, it was by grabbing at the officer’s gun and then when that didn’t work, charging at him like a mad rhino. In the other, it was thrashing around. Which, when you’re 6’6″ and over 400 lbs, can be pretty dangerous to those around you.

On the other side of things, we have an officer who is scared for his life (and rightly so) and a group of officers who are trying to uphold the law and do what the local shopkeepers requested (by getting rid of the guy ruining their cigarette sales). But if you listen to the idiots that are throwing their little tantrums and having “die-ins,” you’d think these mean, racist, power-hungry cops went out with the intention of killing themselves some black boys. Ya know what? I am willing to bet any amount of money that that didn’t even pop into any of their heads those mornings. They just wanted to do their jobs and get home that night.

Oh, and all of the shit-storms that have come of this could’ve been avoided quite simply. If Michael Brown had just walked over to the sidewalk, he would’ve gone home. Yes, he would’ve been arrested later for the strong-arm robbery, but by then he might have come down from the high he was on and gone peacefully. Considering the amount of the theft, I doubt he would’ve spent more than a couple of days (tops) in jail. Similarly, if Garner had just said he was sorry and walked away to sell his cigs on another block, he would’ve gone home that night, where his wife could yell at him for being a fucking bum.

Of course, thanks to Reverend Al “Show me the money!” Sharpton, the crowds in both cases got stirred up into a frenzy which resulted in rioting, vandalism, and lots of looting. because nothing says “The police have wronged my people” like stealing three bottles of vodka and some Sunny-D mixer from a local market. Thankfully, most of the shit in, and about, Ferguson, died down once people started looking at the actual evidence in the case and saw that he never did the whole “Hands up! Don’t shoot!” bullshit. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said of the Eric Garner shit-storm (at least not yet). People seem to be refusing to accept some basic facts in the case. First, that he was never in a chokehold. It was a headlock. There is a very distinct difference. One chokes you, and the other does not. Second, it wasn’t even the headlock that killed him. It was asthma and his massive obesity. If the fat bastich had put down the twinkies and picked up a salad every now and then, he might not have died from what was, in reality, minimal exertion. Oh, and as someone once told me when they had me in a real (albeit poorly applied) chokehold, if you can say “I can’t breathe,” you can breathe. Go ahead. Choke yourself just long enough to try and say it. Repeatedly, if you want to duplicate Mr. Garner’s situation. You can’t do it. Talking requires breathing. It may be hard to breathe, but you can do it. And when you have trouble breathing, what is the first thing we’re supposed to do, kids? That right! Quit struggling! At which point, the asthma attack would’ve calmed down and everything would be hunky-flaming-dory.

Of course, now we’ve got a ton of little white-guilt liberals that are protesting more because it makes them feel better about themselves than anything else. I saw an interview with one group that didn’t even know the names of the people they were supporting. One didn’t even know that Ferguson was the town the first incident happened in. She thought it was the officer’s name. So, yeah, they’re idiots. Idiots that have now started doing “die-ins” at various stores and/or streets. Basically, all the little dumbasses lay down and pretend to be dead. Heaven help their scrawny butts if they decide to do it somewhere that I’m trying to walk or shop. I am perfectly willing to stand on a little bitch’s gut, ass, head, or whatever I have to to get where I want to be. Same goes if I’m trying to drive somewhere and they get in the way. I will roll down my window and give them one yelled warning. After that, they’re on their own. They might want to move.

And if Al fucking Sharpton is with them, I may not even give the warning.

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